Asking for trouble

Constructive criticism is a euphemism for saying something negative and it protects anyone from getting their feelings hurt. Or so they say. Really, feelings get hurt. It's inevitable. But you aren't allowed to show that because it is under the guise of "constructive criticism". How can you hear something bad about yourself and not feel bad. So why would anyone ask for constructive criticism? More importantly, why would I want to hear something negative and pretend it doesn't slice to my very core?

I can't answer why, but I did. I sent an email my Dating Coordinator asking for feedback. That was one of the aspects of this matchmaking service that intrigued me. It is fascinating to have the ability to hear what they thought, or what was positive or even better, what wasn't. Who said what comment didn't concern me. I just want to hear what was said. I say that now because I haven't actually heard any of the comments. I might change that opinion shortly.

I feel like I'm asking for trouble. Aren't women already repeating enough negative self-talk for a lifetime? I am already my own worst critic. Why am I adding to this litany? Currently I am my own personal filibuster of disappointment, doubt and sometimes disgust.

Perhaps this is a journey of self-discovery? Maybe I am entering a period of personal growth? I'd like to think that was true. This entire matchmaking adventure was intended to reach a goal. The goal of finding a match. Maybe I have the wrong goal? It's like all those surveys for dating sites that ask you to rate yourself or list your personality characteristics or describe any number of values, ideals and traits. No one can do that accurately. No one really knows how they appear. You only know your perception of things. No one ever says, "I'm a raving, jealous bitch," or "I'm dumb and can't manage money." To that person, there isn't anything wrong with what they do. You'll never hear me say I'm moody or demanding or possibly boring <insert self-doubt here>. But am I? Who would tell me that? Now that I've asked for constructive criticism, I might just find out.