My word

At times, I have trouble falling asleep.  When that happens, my mind spins through ideas and random thoughts a mile a minute. Last night, for a reason I cannot explain, the movie Eat, Love, Pray was playing in my head.  Mainly one scene, the one where Julia Roberts (Liz) orders an entire meal in perfect Italian for a table full of friends. The discussion turns to the word that symbolizes a city.  New York, according to Liz, is smog. Personally, I would pick crowded. Or neurotic . They name the word for cities like Paris, London and Rome (love). Liz is asked what is her word. She doesn't know her word, but a bit later decides to visit Naples and see if her word is pizza. Maybe I was thinking of this because of all the luscious food in these scenes. I have been hungry lately.

When I turned off the movie in my mind, I wanted to think of my word. The word that came to mind at first was whimsy. Nah, can't pull it off. I'd like that to be my word. So then I try on determined.  Not always. Impatient? Doesn't feel right. Lost? Eureka. That's it. Lost is my word.  I am lost.  I have so much in my life, for which I am thankful, but I'm feeling lost.

Maybe lost isn't it exactly. For years, my sister has called me a tumbleweed. We have laughed about it, a long-running joke. Restless might be a better description. In the past when this restless feeling hit, I usually did something to shake things up a bit.  Nothing major. Well, nothing life changing.  Sometimes it might be shopping. For a car. I think that only happened once. I find something impulsive or unexpected and it fulfills that need, that ache, that yearning.  Then, I'm good for another couple, weeks, months, years.

A friend of mine whose insight I valued greatly shared this fleeting sense of restlessness.  Her suggestion was to rearrange my furniture. It would change the scenery and satisfy the restlessness but was far less costly than buying new furniture. Or worse, moving to a new house. I'm not so good with the home decorating (translate- lacking creativity and too lazy). To satisfy the restlessness, I continue to search what will meet that need. I think signing up for a way expensive dating, sorry- matchmaking, service was a result of restlessness. The result is yet to be felt.  Maybe I need to get matched a little before I feel less restless.

What is your word?