December

On the first day of December, most people are filled with cheer, joy, hope and a little bit of panic as shopping and decorating ramps up. I'm not feeling any of the above. My shopping will consist mostly of gift cards. My family is blessed in that we need nothing, which makes gifting difficult. Gift card shopping isn't that fun. I don't decorate much for the holiday. Unless my garlands were made of milkbones, the dogs wouldn't notice. I'm just not in a holiday place. I even tried listening to my favorite Christmas CD- John Denver and the Muppets. It didn't work.

I've joked in the past that I'm reserving the right to have a mid-life crisis. I might be taking myself up on that offer. I had an epic meltdown earlier that appeared out of nowhere. I was sorting laundry and thinking about the upcoming week. My mental calendar included things like: Monday- Girl Scout meeting, Wednesday- open house at Michelle's, Thursday- babysit Mom's dog. And then the tears came out of nowhere. Lots of them. In all honesty, it started earlier in the day but I suppressed it adequately. But it got the best of me and I bawled. I have no reason to cry. I'm being a big baby. There is absolutely nothing wrong in my life that is worthy of tears. I was just feeling sorry for myself. I have no reason to cry and I told myself that repeatedly. And I still continued to cry. Thinking a change of scenery would bring me back to reality, I got in the car to go to Walmart. And I cried in the car the whole way there. Luckily, I was able to compose myself in the car. By the time my meltdown had passed, nothing had changed. My life was exactly the same, except for puffy eyes and wasted energy. Maybe tomorrow I'll find my holiday cheer. I hope so, because I've still got thirty more days of December.