Last weekend I had the luxury of catching up with some long time friends that I've met through Girl Scouts. And by long time, two of them I met when I was 19. These women get together one weekend in January each year to reconnect and have fun. Usually I join them for dinner and a few hours to avoid the hassle of dog sitters, sleeping in a cot, and sharing a bathroom. Each year we end up playing Spoons. To play, you need two decks of cards and a spoon for every player minus one. You start with four cards. Everyone passes one card to the person next to you until someone gets four of a kind. That person grabs a spoon. Everyone else tries to grab a spoon. The person without a spoon gets a letter like in Horse, but this time we're spelling....wait for it....Spoons. To clarify, grab a spoon means frantically and forcefully get a spoon as quickly as possible which might involve grabbing it from someone else or diving onto the floor. Or the table. Hilarity ensues. I am happy to say after about two hours of playing, my sides hurt from laughing and I only had an 's'. On the way home, I had time to think. I didn't really get a chance to recap the year with my closest friend of the group. What would I have told her? I would have mentioned my brother's visit in October and that he might be home for good in the next year. We would have discussed my parents health and that their house isn't on the market, as opposed to last year when that was the big news. I am sure I would have made humorous comments about dating and my social life. And I would have mentioned a family member- but if I've learned nothing else, I'm not going to mention anything on the internet about it.
Somehow, in the hour on the way home, I was thinking about the mathematical odds of getting four of a kind when there are 104 cards. I wasn't able to do that math, mind you, but the concept crossed my mind. Then I started thinking about statistics in general. What is the probability that I find a long term, lasting relationship? I'm not really sure what the odds are, but I'm sure they are stacked against me. I can face facts- I'm over 40, I have a lot of dogs, moving would be a challenge because no district would consider hiring me (I have too many credits and too much experience!), and I have a lot of dogs. And I haven't even touched on my personality which is high maintenance but I think it is low maintenance, sarcastic, independent that might come off as aloof, and demanding. Wow, I sound like a dream girl! Who wouldn't want that?
So what if that is the case? What if it's me and the dogs for the rest of my life? By now, we all know there were tears. What good is a drive at midnight in the middle of nowhere on a cold January night without a few tears? But by the time I got home, I realized it wouldn't be so bad. I would rather that than being miserable with the wrong person. Maybe the cold had frozen my brain.
So against my better judgment, I have kept my profile on plenty of fish open. The email I get of someone who wants to "meet me" have been amusing if nothing else. Apparently I attract a lot of day laborers who like motorcycle and fishing, and want to avoid drama. For real, pictures showing a person holding a fish or a pic of just some motorcycle- as if that should impress me. I don't have a picture of my Rav4 there. Every once in a long while, I'll get an email. If it is anything more than "hi", which happens more often than not, I'll respond. Often the person is hours away and it's easy to say no thanks. But even more against my better judgment, I think I'm meeting someone for coffee on Sunday. Details aren't confirmed, but he seems eager. Which makes me skeptical. How many times have I said I just want someone to pay attention to me, and then this guy texts me a bunch of times and now he is needy. I guess I think it's weird because I haven't actually spoken to him on the phone. But I will this weekend. And the optimist in me has returned. Especially because has more than a high school diploma and he might be able to figure out the statistics of getting four of a kind with 104 cards.
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