Rip Tide

Two disclaimers before I start:
1. Admitting something is the first step to fixing a problem.
2. Mom, remember that you are supposed to pretend you don't read my blog.

Imagine you're at the beach. You're jumping in the waves, laughing. The salt seeps into your mouth but you don't care because the sun is warming your face. When you are tired from jumping, you go to get out of the water and  look around a bit dazed. You are nowhere near where your blanket is. The current has carried you to some other place and you didn't even realize you were moving. That is how I feel this morning.

I don't know how I ended up where I am. An email from Jose on POF asked to meet for coffee. (I know I'm breaking my rule of naming names. There isn't any possible way that I know someone who would know him.) I can do that. Yes, I can do coffee. Let him see I'm not stick thin and he'll go away. Yes, I'm cynical. Then he sent me a text every day. Sometimes it was just a good morning or a have a good day type of thing. Needy, I thought. And then he called me princess in one of the texts. Needy and apparently delusional. But we spoke on the phone and he seemed positive and upbeat and eager to meet me. So we agreed to meet at Park City Mall.

Their Starbucks is minuscule. So we walked to the food court area to sit and talk. Lots more room and less chaos. And most importantly, he bought my drink. I knew we talked for a while, but wouldn't have guessed it was over three hours. He is easy to talk to. And I felt oddly comfortable. I started off with my usual sarcasm and he laughed. Example: On the phone he said he liked football. So we talked teams. He had lived in Baltimore when the franchise was moved there. So he liked Baltimore. Then when he moved to York, he watched football with his daughter and they followed the Steelers. He said he liked both. I told him that wasn't possible. In line at The Bux, he asked if I really hated Baltimore. I thought for a moment and then, in a completely serious tone, said "yes". And he laughed. I was completely at ease. He was very much a gentleman. He helped me with my coat, he walked me to my car, he asked if he could kiss me on the cheek. To make sure I got home safely, he wanted me to text him. And we talked about having lunch the next day.

Sunday, I drove to York to meet him at a Thai place. I like that he had an idea of a restaurant and it wasn't the usual,  boring chain. We joked around more and shared more. He's very open and tells me anything. He travels once a quarter. Some of the women he met before asked presumptuous questions about his salary. He has a herniated disk and about two years ago had to have a kidney removed. But what's better, it's not one sided. He asks me questions. And unlike my usual MO, I'm telling him things. Things about me. About past relationships, or feelings, or what I value in a person. By the end of lunch, I felt things were still going well. There were no awkward lulls in the conversation. I'm not sure this has happened before.

Then he invited me to his house. He wanted to give me the grand tour. And he wanted to compare lists. The list was something he said was a homework assignment he gave me before we met. After we spoke on the phone, he told me to write down ten words that I thought described him. He would do the same and we would compare. What a fun idea. I love words, this is right up my alley. Part of me always questions the safety of this. He told me his daughter pokes fun at him for being OCD and being so tidy.  I'm curious as to how tidy. At some point in time, I'm going to be alone with him in his house. If someone is that concerned about neatness, he'd never risk bloodshed in his living room.

His house- When he described himself as OCD, he was right. Things are orderly and carefully arranged.. He already made it clear that no one else is allowed to clean his home office. Not a problem for me. I love being told I'm not allowed to clean something. And then he showed me his closet. I've heard of people arranging their closet by color, but I've never seen it done before. Pants, all arranged in order. Long sleeved shirts, by color. A separate section for polos, by color. Even the section of shirts that needed to go to the cleaners were hung up. Really? Now I'm not sure I want to show him my house. I can unclutter but I'm definitely not opening my closet doors.

The list- It was partly accurate and partly bullshit. I'm mean, seriously, why else would he start off with beautiful? Remember, he saw a pic online and spoke to me on the phone at that point. But it's nice to read ten positive words someone thinks about you. Everyone needs an ego boost like that once in a while.

The conversation- So this is the rip tide part. Somehow, the conversation got intense. But it wasn't  in a direct or intimidating way. It was a comment like, "in 90 days, we'll write those lists again but we can't use any of the words we used the first time". That's three months. He's picturing us together in three months. Then travel discussion turned into- if we're still together, we should take a cruise together this summer. Now we're planning vacations? If you're thinking, "isn't this what she wanted?", you're right. But now that it's here, I'm a little freaked out. Come on, it's been two dates. How did I get from coffee to a cruise? And talk of food he'll have me try in Peru, and meeting his sister, in Peru. Holy crap. I don't actually freak out in front of him, but my mind races as I'm driving home. I try to picture some of what was mentioned. Then I feel trapped, like I don't have control of where this is going. Then I try to tell myself that it is ok to let go and allow this to happen. I take a deep breath and think calm thoughts. I review what has been said. How did I get here? Panic creeps in and it feels like it is happening too fast. It sort of feels like what happened when I started seeing Ken. It was a whirlwind and seemed to get serious too quickly. I know that hindsight is 20/20 but I can't help that feeling of fear creeping towards me. But what has really happened?  Nothing has happened and I'm blowing this out of proportion. All of this talk is exactly that; just talk. Talk is cheap. It's not like I've been offered to schedule a vacation.

The good stuff-He asked if he could kiss me. He even confessed he was feeling a little nervous. After we had mentioned a few times how comfortable it was to be with each other, this was unexpected. How sweet. Well, apparently, those nerves were short lived. We were making out like teenagers in no time. I won't go into details for two reasons. As an adult, it's poor form. And because I know that in reality, my mom is reading this.

He also brought up his profile on the website. He told me, without asking anything of me, that he would stop emailing anyone he had been in contact with on the site. His preference is to focus on one thing at a time. He felt it was the only way to handle getting to know someone. And he specifically said he wasn't asking me to do the same, but did ask what I intended to do. I could honestly tell him that I wasn't communicating with anyone else. But I wasn't sure how I would handle It's Just Lunch. Who knows when they would call next? But with my luck, I'm expecting a call from them any minute.

Upcoming tests- We're planning on having lunch before the Super Bowl. (He has a party to go with friends, and it's a guys only thing.) It's his turn to drive. That means I'll show him my house. Will he be appalled? He might open a kitchen cabinet or see where I keep my shoes (in a pile on the floor of the closet); will that send him running for the hills? He did have dogs before, so I'm not so worried about the dog toys on the floor. He knows about all the dogs. But I never mentioned about which ones sleep in bed. I haven't broken it to him that I don't make my bed. I mean, I'll make it on the day he is coming to my house. But Tally likes to un-make the bed. Why bother? When he told me about his Yorkies (he doesn't have any right now), he asked if I would ever consider having a lab. Now we're talking about our future dogs? This is where I start to hyperventilate. So now I have a week to pretend like my house is always clean and organized. I work really hard to not have clutter in my house, but it's an ongoing battle.

The other ongoing concern: he's an early morning person. Like 4:30. In the morning. Or as most of us refer to it- the middle of the night. One of the texts he sent was at 5 am. Who sends texts at 5 am, unless you're in college and just coming home? I'm not even sure I'm capable of complete sentences at 5 in the morning. This might be what makes or breaks it. He goes to bed on weeknights around 8:30-9. Sometimes I going to the gym then. I keep telling myself I don't have to worry about this right now. And I'm not going to worry about anything as long as he keeps calling me princess.