The Difference a Year Makes

Exactly one year ago I wrote my first blog post. It was a very late Sunday night, and I needed to purge the thoughts swirling through my brain to even consider sleep. I still remember the sickening feeling I had in my stomach. What had I signed up for? What did I expect from the matchmaking service? I was nervous, excited and nauseous at the thought of who they would find for me to meet, and more importantly, getting feedback on how to get better at dating. Time is a funny thing. It seems like such a long time ago. If I had been asked in January, I probably wouldn't have said that. I could have recited the calendar dates of the meetings they set up. I could share vivid details of outfits I wore, what I ordered, when there were lulls in the conversation.

Three months ago, I met Jose. It seems like I've known him longer than three months. We've yet to have a lull in a conversation. That doesn't mean one of us is talking every second we're together but our conversations easily flow from one subject to another. We've discussed things as simple as his hatred of hard boiled eggs, my hatred towards the Baltimore Ravens to as serious as combining finances and households. And I'm not freaking out. Neither is he. I know there is still a lot of work and learning and compromise to be done. I'm not foolish to think this will be easy. But we've tackled one situation- the meeting of the family- with flying colors. My parents really liked him, and we enjoyed Easter dinner together. I was more nervous about being late or overcooking the vegetables than what they would think of him. I knew they would get along with him. To meet most of his family, we'd have to travel to Peru. He asked me if I would go with him, and I would. Realistically, that wouldn't happen for at least six months, probably the summer of 2015. Planning something for a year from now doesn't seem crazy.

Things have changed in the past year. I joined Weight Watchers and have lost 40 pounds. I'll be going for a long time because I have more to lose. I started using a Couch to 5K app. I remember when running for 3 minutes felt like torture. My first 5K is in three weeks. And I have more scheduled. The most importance difference from a year ago? I was feeling restless, discontent. My sister would refer to it as my 'tumbleweed' stage. Whatever you call it, it's not there anymore. I'm happy. That's really all I've wanted in life, to be happy. In most movies I watch or books I read, I always root for a happy ending. Call it childish or unrealistic, it's always better if there's a happy ending.  Time will tell if I finally found my own happy ending.

Footloose and timing

We're finally getting true spring (almost summer) weather for more than two days in a row. My dogs are about to OD on fresh air unless they first collapse from sniffing the perimeter of the deck all day long. And I mean all day. I love having the windows open, feeling fresh air. I'd feel better if I got more accomplished, but there will be rainy weekend for that.

Our Senior High put on their musical this weekend. Jose and I went on Saturday to see Footloose and had such a fun night. It was such a great production and I love seeing kids that have grown so much in such a short time. Awkward seventh and eighth graders turn into real people after they leave the junior high. And who doesn't love some nostalgia.

Before the play, I went through my closet to sort out what could be donated and what I could wear. That meant trying almost everything on. I made the mistake of asking Jose to help me. It was comical how we kept having the same conversation. "Is this too big?' He'd tell me it was too casual to wear to school, or it depended on what top I wore with it, or I could wear it to do yard work or could wear it around the house. "OK, but does it look to baggy to wear in front of other people?" Most times the answer was yes, but only after great debate. Then he was giving me advice on keeping some things that were one size bigger, in case I needed them later. I wasn't about to tell me that's not how women work. Pants that don't fit are the best motivation for dieting. And I got rid of all the clothes from years ago that were too small at the time. The reasons are that I knew that if I lost enough weight to fit into them they would be out of style, and more importantly, I deserved new clothes. That's my plan for tomorrow.

As we got ready to head to the high school for the play, I was putting on make up and Jose was changing his clothes. We're chatting about the hockey game, and general things that I can't even remember right now. Probably the dogs. Out of nowhere, he asks if I've thought about what would happen if things would progress between us. Whoa. I knew what he was really asking. Who is moving? Keep in mind, I'm trying to find earrings that match and make sure that I grab the two bronze shoes with heels and buckles, as opposed to the ones that are almost exactly the same except they are black with no buckles. Or the ones that are brown with no buckles. So I dodge this by saying, I have thought about it. And I keep searching for shoes. The conversation continues. At this point, I'm not sure who asked the next question. I tell him I've thought about it and thought about what it would be like to commute. He had a chance to say he's thought about it too. While I'm sure there is some literary term to describe the suspense building, waiting to hear his plans or my views on this important topic. But remember, I'm still digging in my closet for matching shoes. So I suggest that we finish this conversation when we have more time and when I don't have my head in a closet. I'm not sure how to finish that conversation. As I've driven to his house and back, I've imagined what it might be like to commute. It's a full hour. The worse part seems to be the intersection of 222 and 30. Well, really, the worst part would be leaving my house at 6 AM. In. The. Morning. Do you know what time I'd have to get up in the morning? I'd have to be a morning person. Or I'd need a bigger travel mug for coffee. Yes, that is a much more reasonable option. So is that scary for a girl to mention? That I've thought about moving into his house after two and a half months? I wish he had a blog I could stalk. That would make this so much easier.

Almost an Anniversary

I'm approaching the one year I allotted to this dating experiment. My one year is up in 12 days. Within the next week, I'll have to provide a summary of thoughts and insights. I'll just have to find some insight between now and then. I will start with everything is a learning experience. I'm a believer that if you stop learning, you die. More on that later, but for now I'll apply it to how people handle stress.

Stress rears its ugly head in the life of everyone. How a person handles stress is the key. Me? I'm a  work hard until I carb-binge, then crawl under the covers and nap until it's over kind of girl. I realize this week (who am I kidding- this month) while working on new eating habits, I'm still working on this. Not so much in the mastery category, especially when the grocery store offered a cruel special on ice cream. Buy a pint of Ben and Jerry's on sale and get a pint of their premium ice cream for free. Danger, danger. It was a cruel and delicious offer. Carrots just don't do it. I've eaten about three pounds of apples a week to no avail. I've reached for a handful of dry cereal on more than one occasion. And it's Kashi cereal, not even yummy cereal. Imagine a handful of puffs, fiber twigs and grain sticks. Nothing soothes like peanut butter on graham crackers. And if you put on enough peanut butter, you can't tell they are low fat grahams. I digress. I'm learning that Jose is a withdraw into a shell kind of guy. Work upheaval has him in turtle mode. I don't even know what the whole story is exactly at this point. I just know he hasn't talked about it. I've asked what would help him. I've asked if he wants to talk about it. I've asked if I should just stop asking questions. So that's the route I'm taking. It's hard for me. I want to nurture, and make it better, and do nice things so he's not thinking about it. We'll see how long this takes. As I've mentioned before, patience is a virtue. Just not one of mine.

Ten Days

It was ten days. That's not a long time. I realize this, but it seemed like months. To make things worse, he was traveling with a three hour time difference. So not only didn't I see Jose for ten days but I barely had a chance to talk to him. There was one groggy phone call. It was past midnight and I barely remember what I said. The last thing I remember is him telling me the monorail was there to take him back to his hotel and then he'd call me back. Then my alarm went off. I did use that opportunity wisely. I made mention that I'm sure he was too busy shopping for a present for me to call me back. Let's set this precedent now.

Week night visits are short. It was almost six until I got to his house and since he has the bed time of a child, I left around nine. To spend that amount of time talking, listening and being heard, is incredible. Most of us don't focus on communication that intently. We are emailing while eating a meal, texting while we are finishing a conversation, talking while we are driving. There always seems to be something else going on. Sit down and focus on talking one night. No tv, no music, just people. It was energizing and peaceful all at the same time.

Plans for the weekend are still in the works. I'm really not a fan of driving back to my house late at night. I'm trying really hard at this compromising thing. But I did learn that he is trainable. He brought me chocolate covered macadamia nuts. From Vegas. Not what they are known for and it may have even been an airport purchase. But I am ok with all of that. I just want to start the pattern of buying presents. We're off to a good start.