In order to get to the good dates, maybe I need to get past all the memories of bad dates. And there have been many. To put them behind me, I am going to bid them a final farewell. Please bear with me through this random catharsis that is in no particular order.
Initiation- The very first date after my divorce was final- George. I am serious. An AOL chat room fellow. The plan was dinner and a movie. A bit ambitious I realized early on. During dinner at the I-am-in-my-mid 20's-and-this-is-a-great-place-for-a-first-date chain restaurant TGIFriday's, we were discussing my salad. He didn't eat salad because he didn't like the things that go in salad. Carrots, tomatoes, lettuce. LETTUCE? I believe my reaction was, "Lettuce? How can you not like LETTUCE? It doesn't taste like anything." I'm sure my volume level was much louder than socially acceptable for a first date. Next, the movie. I used the bathroom at the theater and when I came out, George was standing next to a long line of people waiting for some other movie. And right across from him is my ex-husband. I'm talking within arms reach. If I had noticed 30 seconds earlier, I would have hid in the bathroom a lot longer. Now, I'm walking up to this train wreck, each man smiling and thinking I'm walking up to him. All I could muster was a quick, "hey, how ya doing?" to the ex while I tried to appear breezy and together to my date. Awkward.
Grandpa Paul- He was my age, but his outfit screamed Grandpa. Especially, when he put on his 'driving cap' when we walked out of Barnes and Noble. And this wasn't a, "I wear your granddad's clothes" thing. This was a, "dang, you look old" thing. Paul was talking about gardening, a common interest. He was having buyer's remorse over a lilac. Who has second thoughts over a lilac? If you want to date me, you are going to have to spend money that amounts to more than the cost of a shrub.
Inappropriate Rob-Not sure if there was a cultural difference here that I wasn't aware of. After my favorite first meeting of Barnes and Noble for coffee (if disaster strikes, down your drink and get the hell out....scalding your throat might be the price you pay), he insisted that we go have dinner. He was persistent that I needed to eat, and ordered way too much food, including dessert. This part was OK with me. I'm thinking this might have potential. Next, he offered to make dinner for me. A man that wants to cook? Sign me up. After dinner in his apartment, he put on music and he wanted to dance with me. I didn't understand that 'dance' was a euphemism for "rub my aroused man parts on you". Before he could convince me it was a good thing and it meant he was a healthy man, I was out of there.
The Giant- Nice guy, but he was close to 7 feet tall. And he had bad breath.
Basie the Dachshund- I don't actually remember the guy's name, but I do remember his dog. This was an Eharmony guy I met right around the time of a big storm and significant flooding near York. He lost power and somehow he ended up at my house with his dachshund. I love dogs, no problem. One of the first things he did at my house was shower. Hygiene is important and I'm glad he was concerned about being clean, but it was weird. They stayed overnight. At one point in the middle of the night, he moved to the sofa because he was worried that his dog was sleeping in the living room. Shortly after, he fell off the face of the earth.
The Penguins Fan- I love the Penguins. "This will be awesome," I thought. The Barnes and Noble beverage and witty conversation went well. I got the 'let's get together again' hug at my car. Then he fell off the face of the earth too. Maybe Pennsylvania is plagued with unexplained black holes that go unreported.
Just wait, there's more to come.
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