Imagine meeting a stranger in a hotel lobby and telling them intimate feelings about what you want out of life. And to finish this half hour of sheer joy, she has to see your driver's license and take a picture of you with her phone. Yes, all of this happened. It's surreal in a weird "technology meets real person" way. I'm ready to wake up from this dream because it's getting more and more odd.
It sounded so bizarre to hear out loud, "I want to be married". I was tempted to look behind me to see who said that. No one was there. It was just me, bearing my soul to this perfect stranger. And I might add, she was probably early 30s at best and had no ring on her finger. The cynic in me wanted to ask how she was such an expert in this to be a dating coach, especially when she was waxing poetic about their clients being invested and wanting serious relationships. I wanted proof that she knew about serious relationships.
Basically, the half hour started with- What do you want someone to know about you? What are you looking for? How do you see this person fitting into your life? Go. Can't we start with a few warm ups? Maybe a yes/no question first. Let's ease into this, Susan, my new Dating Coach who I just met a minute ago and I'm not convinced you know anything other than to wear a blouse the doesn't seem low cut but actually is. The cynic in me had returned. I felt myself stumbling for answers and the anxiety crept in a little. If I said I wanted someone to do things with, did that sound juvenile? I didn't want to get into romantic stuff. First, I don't like mushy, romantic stuff. Second, I just met her and explaining that romantic to me was someone who cared enough to clean my gutters was too much to fathom. And I mean, clean my gutters in the most literal sense of the phrase. Did I now sound like I wasn't sure what I wanted? And again, the question was raised about kids. I answered this already. Ask Rochelle. We talked about it before she took my credit card information. Let's review. I'm 42 and a half. I'm realistic. I got me some old eggs. If an epiphany hit me that I had to be a mother to make my life complete, that task would probably take some medical intervention. I've accepted that isn't in the plan for me. If he has kids, that's fine. (I think. This feels like new territory for me.) But if he wants kids, I've got dogs. I know my dogs aren't kids, but I'm comfortable with my lifestyle and never feel working mother guilt. I can leave them for a week to go on vacation and I don't even have to buy them souvenirs. I can spend money on my hobbies or a new car instead of on tuition. At least I didn't have to answer the question: What do you like to do in your free time? Seriously, who has free time. Even as a single, I'm lucky I get my laundry done and fit in a trip to the grocery store. I digress.
Of course, on the drive home, I realized I should have told her that I'm sarcastic. That I really love pro football, but he can't be a Ravens fan. That while I'm independent, I still want to be rescued and cared for. Should I have told her that I'm a bit spoiled? That I like to get my way? That I like to get my way a lot? Would it matter if she knew that I think it is important to recycle? That I have a compost pile at my house? That it looks like I'm planning for a zombie apocalypse because my garage is full of canning supplies and a food dehydrator? Really, all they need to know is that I'm a catch. Grab on before it's too late.
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