Patience is a virtue. It's just not one of mine. Originally, I thought I'd be purging some thoughts about being impatient. As these thoughts swirled around my brain, the true reason for my impatience revealed itself to me. As much as I'd like to get instant results, instant gratification if you will, that isn't why I check my email pathologically. I believe that this time, I've found it. I believe I've found a 'system' that will work. How could it not work? There ARE other professionals who are looking for real relationships and they are going to introduce me to them. One of them has to be the right person for me.
I believe that I will find someone who will accept me and love me through all my faults. (Other than my biological family who has to do that.) I believe that I will plan a wedding. I believe that I won't have spend the rest of my life with just my dogs. I believe that someone will kiss me goodbye each morning, and hug me goodnight each evening. I can see standing in the airport, eager for the flight to a great vacation. I can envision all of this. The things I dream about aren't even all glamorous events. I imagine making dinner and sitting on the deck when the weather is nice and watching football together. I can picture socializing with friends where the boys talk about boy things and the girls talk about girl things. On the way home, we compare notes about the evening. It's a clear picture except for the part about who is next to me.
So then the question presents itself. Does this mean I am an optimist or a fool? All things point to being a fool. I'm 42. I've done things on my own for so long, I'm not sure I can let go and let someone in. I do things my way and I like it my way. It's been so long that I've attempted to compromise, I don't know if I can. I like that I live close to my parents and my sister and can't imagine moving. Well, I imagine moving to a new house, but not a new house far from where I am right now. So does this man exist that will compromise so much when I barely know the definition of the word? Expecting to find this is foolish on all fronts.
Yet, I'm optimistic. I've had one date, and not even a successful one. And I'm ready for the next one. Maybe that one will be the last first date. Am I looking for a fairy tale? You bet. I deserve it. And I will keep going until I find it. It doesn't have to be a Disney fairy tale. I'm too sarcastic for that. My fairy tale doesn't require a white horse. My prince just needs to treat me like the princess I am. A sarcastic, football loving, stubborn and optimistic princess.
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