Basketcase

My discovery this week is that it's me. I am feeling basketcase-ish.

I have a date set up with a guy from the match service tomorrow. The eternal optimist in me is on vacation and I'm feeling like the distance will be an issue again. It's a Philly date, and the Dating Coordinator offered to have him meet me on the Main Line. Hardly a difference. Again, I worry about which outfit I'm going to wear only to remind myself that guys don't care about the color of my dress. Or if I'm wearing capris. Or which shoes will go with which outfit. And that thought just now made me decide to wear the dress with the black shrug because I have black wedges to wear with it. If I wear the dress with the brown shrug, I'd have to wear flats because either I never had brown wedges or I've lost them or they were chewed by a dog and I've repressed that memory.  See? Basketcase.

Another reason it's me? On the phone last night with FG, I realized he says "and the next thing you know" a lot. Let's find a phrase that tells of time elapsing that doesn't sound like a potato farmer. How about "a few minutes later"? Or what is wrong with 'after awhile'? Or just say the amount of time- an hour later, about 20 minutes, even later that night. We all have phrases we tend to use frequently. I'm sure I have things I say repeatedly and overuse far too much. Feel free to list them in the comments. Finding this phrase so early into our conversations is a bit alarming. In the first weeks of meeting someone, I'd like to find something endearing, not annoying. Maybe I was just over-tired and cranky last night. When I left him a message earlier in the day, I didn't realize at the time I wouldn't be able to fit in a nap that afternoon. A nap might cure tiredness but there may be no hope for my level of cranky.

Routines in conversations often are a natural progression. So natural that you probably don't think about it or even realized it has happened. So natural that you might not even know what I'm talking about. When there is no routine, it is awkward and uncomfortable because you don't know who is supposed to say goodbye first, who is supposed to decide when the phone call is over, who is supposed to lead the next topic of conversation. The part of the conversation when you make future plans is painful without this routine. And this isn't even setting up the next date, but who is going to call or when will you talk next. And yes, the end of our conversation was excruciating.

One lasting concern- he doesn't buy peaches because they cost too much? I did hold my tongue and not scream, "are you KIDDING me?" And he hadn't seen donut peaches. Granted, they haven't been around for decades, but most grocery stores have them. But I guess if you don't buy peaches because they cost too much, you don't exactly check out the varieties. I can support not buying out of season produce. Peaches in January would be pricey. But this isn't January. And don't talk to me about buying a new camera in case you see a moose then tell me that peaches cost too much.

I want to pretend that money isn't a big issue. It is. I work hard, I save for retirement and I'm going to spend my money as I see fit. Like the NFL Sunday Ticket. I forgot to cancel it after last season, so the payments started up automatically. I could still cancel it. But I'm not. So from September until January, you'll know where to find me every Sunday without question.

The bigger money question now is will I have to buy my own dinner tomorrow?