Imagine my shock when FG called with an idea for a get together. There was an art show held at Middle Creek Wildlife Management Area. Art show, outdoorsy area- I can do that. The weather was cooperating with mild temps. The logistics are still a bit awkward. We haven't been to the other's home and there wasn't a good half-way point. So we arrange to meet up in a parking lot.
I'm trying to be open minded. So when he didn't get out of his car to greet me, I let it go. He mentioned he forgot his GPS. I offer my cell phone and he declines. My theory- don't mention the GPS if you don't want it. Again, I think "get a big boy cell phone" and keep it to myself.
It was a pretty drive. He's not a scary driver but he didn't have any music on. Music can reveal a lot but that remains unseen. The temptation was there to turn the volume up and see his reaction. He described the lake being covered in waterfowl. On that day, no such luck. We did get out at a couple spots and looked around. He had a camera and binoculars. The camera I understand. The binoculars-I'm not a fan. Regardless, it was pleasant.
The Art Show- The main building for the Wildlife Area was crammed full of panels in every direction, clip-on lamps attached to anything stationery, and a fair amount of people. It was almost all paintings and many of the artists where there, hovering a little too close. I like nature but I haven't been exposed to a lot of game. After this experience, I realized how very little I know about it. There were bears, deer, turkeys, ducks, birds, a few foxes, and more turkeys. I've never seen so many pictures of turkeys in one place. The art was decent quality. So they were very nice pictures of turkeys, but they were still turkeys.
I had a moment among the ducks. It was one of those moments that makes you keenly aware of your surroundings and little hairs on the back of your neck stand up. In a flash, I was acutely mindful of every word, intonation, gesture. FG was talking to an artist that he met once, years earlier. He told me the story of how he met this guy, and now he was tell him the same story. To make sure this is clear, FG is telling the story of meeting the artist to the artist. I've been around people who do this. That situation reminds me of someone trying to fit in with the cool kids. Not that I think I'm a cool kid. I realize how far I am from the popular crowd. I'm OK with that. I'm not immune to gushing over people that others might not understand. But I know I'm not going to hang out with them, fit in with them or otherwise blend as part of that group.
The part that made me nearly shudder was that I've been in relationships with people who have done this. The Ex and the Tool were notorious for this. It's uncomfortable to watch and even more uncomfortable to be associated with someone who does this. So what happens when you make a realization like this? It's not exactly a deal breaker but it's almost painful to stand there, listening to this type of plea for acceptance and inclusion. To add to the discomfort, I have to stand there with absolutely nothing to add to the conversation without even being introduced.
We grabbed something to eat at a diner on the way home. When I offered to pay, and had to pluck the check from his hand, he hesitated which is much appreciated gesture. I don't mind buying dinners but let's pretend that we disagree on who is paying. He didn't get out of the car when he dropped me off. Sitting side by side makes for a challenging 'goodnight' opportunity. He also pulled away without waiting to make sure that my car started or that I pulled away. I'm blaming both of those things on his hiatus from dating. I'm sure I can come up with some witty sarcasm that will alert him to those points. Well, I think I'm witty. Maybe this is a big part of my problem.
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